Thursday - May 27

Crazy Cake Lady should be a man, because she definitely knows the way to a woman's heart:

Kahlua Fudge Bites

We've already confessed our love for chocolate and alcohol on Monday, so we won't get into that again. We have other goodies to confess for today.
Today is our 100th blog post! Yes, 100 cake-filled, sugar-injected, caramel-syrup-covered, days of CCL deserts. Surprisingly, we all look about the same weight as we did when we started the blog, thanks - i'm sure in large part - to our hour long baby food diet and the occasional hot Yoga classes.
We tried to snap a pic of Evil Pizza Man as a gift to all you fans - we know he's among the favorite characters here - but all we could see out our horrible new view was the top of his forest-green Trail Blazer (or whatever.)


Evil Pizza Man's Fab Ride

We especially like how his Papa John's sign is nuzzled between the little racky-things on his roof, which gives him the ability to deliver sizzling, cheesy pizzas while taking his skis to the mountains for a quick run on the slopes.
What we do have for you, however, is something we have received a few questions about over the past 100 days:
"How much does your boss spend on pizza every week?!?"

Two-hundred and four dollars and fifty-one cents worth of Pizza

No wonder the secretary tries to get everyone so jazzed up for Pizza Day. He's spending a small fortune. In the year we've been here, he's spent $10,663.74. That means, if he canceled his pizza subscription the four of us working on this blog could make an extra $2,665.93 a year.
We are definitely going to bring that up next time we ask for a raise.
HOWEVER, if you look closely, you can see he saves $137.90 on each order. I guess the Papa gives a discount to it's million-dollar customers. Apparently they also like to contribute to obese America.
-Weight-gaining worker.


Wednesday - May 26

Syrup on pancakes, gravy on mashed potatoes, tomato sauce on pasta and milk on cereal are all reasonable pour-able food combinations. The following CCL creation, is not:

Peggy's Aunt's Cake with Quick Caramel Sauce

Pouring sugary milk creme over a dense cake is not normal, CCL. And I don't know who Peggy is or who her Aunt is, but her recipe needs to be burned. It's probably contributing to 40 percent of the two thirds of Americans who are overweight or obese. Someone get this lady some fruit. For the good of us all.
-Weight-gaining worker

Tuesday - May 25

This morning I told myself I was going to run after work. Then CCL came a long and reinforced that thought with temptations of my favorite dessert:

Rich Caramel-filled Chocolate Pecan Brownies

...brownies. As I tried to grab a small treat a oozing layer of caramel strung across the table. I'm glad CCL warned us in the title that the brownies were rich, because I don't know if I would have been able to figure it out when I took the first bite. After three of the most amazing, chocolaty, melty carmely bites of my entire life I gave up. I saved the rest of it to give to my sister who was planing on running with me (so we could have an equal starting ground ;) ) I'm pretty sure my run didn't even burn off half of the calories from half a brownie, the brownies go down in CCL history as the best dessert thus far.
No one even remembered it was Doughnut Day.

Doughnuts

-Weight-gaining worker

Monday - May 24

Crazy Cake Lady has always been good at making bunt cakes. And when she adds alcohol to her pound cakes they are even more amazing. Not because they get us drunk, which is the only state-of-mind we want to be in at work, but because of how moist and delicious they make the dense cake.
Buttered Rum Pound Cake with Powdered Sugar

This cake was so special it even came covered in a delicate, hand-stitched cake blanket.

Little Peasant Baker Girl Cake Blankie

We don't know what the little woman is putting in her little basket on the little stool, but we like her fashionable pink and purple flower dress.
-Weight-gaining worker

Friday - May 21

The best way to eat fruit is by covering it in sugar and cookie crumbles.

Apple Raspberry Crisp Bars

The best way to eat a hunk of chocolate is to cover it in sugar and cake batter.

Fudge Block covered in Cake Batter

The best way to get fat is to eat whatever Crazy Cake Lady makes.

-Weight-gaining worker

Thursday - May 20

We are so sorry. We wish we had a better excuse for abandoning you for a week, but we really don't. We wish we could say "our fingers got so fat from eating cake they wouldn't fit on they keyboard" or "CCL kidnapped us and made us go to Omm Yung Doe for a week" or even "Evil Pizza Man gave us food poisoning," but we don't. We've simply been either too busy, on Vegas vacations, or - for one employee - sick in bed reading the Twilight tetralogy (that means 4 in a series.) We know what you're doing sicky.
As we have abandoned you, Crazy Cake Lady has still been going about her usual business, attempting to get her doctorate degree in Cake Mixology. She's been getting better. Oh, and up-side to the plus-side; the lunchroom has moved upstairs into our old office, so we only have to walk about 10 feet to see what's hidden inside the refrigerator. Actually, that's probably a bad thing. She should keep her cakes up the hill, around the corner, over the river and at her grandma's house, where it would either make us burn calories to retrieve or make her grandma fat, not us. Oh, whatever, old people don't care about their weight.
Instead, this pink masterpiece was taunting us today:

Triple Layer Strawberry Cake

You know how your mom never told you to eat anything that isn't a natural color? I mean, strawberries are naturally pink-ish, but the neon glow in the batter is not looking kosher. It probably hasD&C Red #19 in it and we're all going to get cancer. OK, we'll be optimistic, the cake was pretty good. It tasted like pancakes with strawberries on top. Sounds like a suitable breakfast alternative to me.....sorta..not really.
We'll leave you with this mauled piece of pizza for Pizza Day. Notice how we used to like Pizza Day, now we only get a piece to pick the pepperonis off and take a picture for you. We hope you appreciate this:

Pizzzzza

...because we appreciate you. Even though we abandoned you for a week. We're sorry! We'll be here tomorrow. We promise ;D
-Weight-gaining worker

Wednesday - May 19

Do you know what the worst invention in the food world is? Bite-sized desserts. You have to have one. There's no excuse not to pick up a bite-size dessert. It doesn't have as many calories as a big bite, it's (probably) delicious and it's so convenient. Especially when it's bite-size cheesecake bars.
Cheese Cake Bars with Chocolate Sprinkles

And, look at that presentation. Nope, you can't resist that.
-Weight-gaining worker

Tuesday- May 18

Brownie Turtles

Doughnuts

Friday - May 14


Chocolate Cupcake with Chocolate Sour Cream Frosting

Thursday - May 13

Today was someone's last day in the office. So we had a feast:

Chocolate Covered Doughnut Holes

Pizza

Brownie Bites

Blueberry Pie

Apple Pie

I think we're going to need a couple more pies.
-Weight-gaining worker


Wednesday - May 12

Best CCL day ever. Brownies, Cookies and more Brownies:

Chocolate Caramel Hazelnut Brownies
Blondie Brownies

Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

Since we're off our baby food diet we ate nearly every one of the desserts today. Then we went to the grocery store to return the leftover mush. We had a story all planned out for when the cashier would ask us why we were returning 10 jars of babyfood; we babysit and we bought the wrong kind. It's all the wrong kind. The grocery store was busy, of course, when we went around 1:50. We stood in one of the two checkout lines for 10 minutes then handed the bag to Chuck as another coworker who didn't participate in the diet yelled "That's going to be embarassing."
"I'm really sorry to do this to you," we said to Chuck. "He looked in the bag and started checking them back into the computer one-by-one. The guy with a $1 bill in his hand and a soda behind us looked pissed. Finally, Chuck handed us $7 and we ran away.
Baby food is embarrassing.
-Weight-gaining worker

Tuesday - May 11

Yes, today was Doughnut Day
Doughnuts

and although we looked for secret notes, inside cupboards and dirty refrigerators, there were no CCL treats to be found. We didn't mind though, we had other things to worry about.

Have you heard about the Baby Food Diet? Apparently Jennifer Aniston did it and lost seven pounds in one week. Because we're so interested in nutrition, we decided to take on a little experiment today.
The baby food diet includes eating 14 jars/servings of baby food for breakfast and lunch then a small lean protein and vegetable dinner. Basically, what it is, is starving yourself with watered-down, mushed up vegetables and fruit with no added flavors.

Baby Food

Two employees participated in this investigative journalism. This is pretty much how it went down:
7:00 a.m.: Wake up, get ready for work, crave cereal, avoid cereal
8:00 a.m.: Arrive at work, starving
9:15 a.m.: Get breakfast - Go to the grocery store with coworkers and pick out the day's meals. While we stood awkwardly in the baby aisle comparing sugar and fiber levels, we finally picked:
Breakfast: Apple sauce, Peach Oatmeal Banana, Carrots, Bananas
Lunch: Pears, Peach Cobbler, Sweet Potatoes, Sweet Peas, Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce with Beef
9:45: Get back to work. Start taste testing.
- Peach Oatmeal Banana: Smells: like peaches, but weird; Tastes: like a protein shake
- Green Beans: Smells: like sour green beans; Tastes: like cold green beans with no flavoring, needs salt.
-Organic Carrots: Smells: like canned carrots; Tastes: like watery, sweet carrots
-Organic Applesauce: Smells: normal; Tastes: weird because it's not grainy, sour aftertaste
-Organic Bananas: Smells: like rotton banana bread; Tastes: like sour rotten banana barf
10:00 a.m.: Start first meal of the day - bananas
10:40 a.m.: Want to commit suicide
10:45 a.m.: Finish bananas by literally swallowing a spoonful, and forcing throat, which wants to gag, to open.
10:50 a.m.: Take first bite of second meal of breakfast - applesauce
10:54 a.m.: Throw away apple sauce
10: 56 a.m.: Talk about how Jennifer Aniston is a bitch and how we'd rather be fat.
11:00 a.m.: Throw away the rest of the baby food.
11:05 a.m.: Eat orange, pita bread, hummus
1:00 p.m.: Go to Subway and eat 6 inch Turkey Sub and bag of Cheeto's.
Tomorrow's task: Return the 8 jars of unopened baby food. Remind self never to subject future child to baby food.
God, I want a piece of CCL cake.
-Weight-gaining worker

Breaking News:

Finally, we have made contact with Harry the Weaselly Weasel and have found out what is going on with Crazy Cake Lady:

“CCL had to go underground, there is a lot of oppression against her confectionary delights so they are hidden,” Harry said Monday afternoon.

For a while she was only sharing her secret with a select few. The few she thought she could trust with her dessert’s life; the few who knew about the cake in the cupboard Friday.

“We were walking around with big heads; those of us who knew where the cakes were,” Harry said.

Apparently we at WMMF were not one of the chosen ones. We, the weirdos who only come to stare and take pictures of CCL’s desserts, were not told where to find the hidden gems. Instead, one of her minions informed us. That shows her who she can trust around here.

But, why does CCL have to hide her sugar coated gifts?

“Well,” Harry said, “there was an ongoing problem with crumbs, and there were occasionally ants going after those crumbs.”

But the crumbs weren’t CCL’s fault. CCL always tried preventing the crumbs so should could continue her cake doctorate training and tempt us with her cakes, cookies, brownies or whatever else she could make with 4,022 calories and 187 grams of sugar per serving.

“CCL is always very meticulous about cleaning the area where she places the cakes and the dishes associated with them,” Harry said. “The problem is that she usually cleans up before lunch, around noon, and after she leaves for the day, and the powers to be, unfortunately, see the feeding frenzy at 10 a.m.”

Seeing the worst of the cake mauling doesn’t help CCL’s practice. People are just going to have to learn to be tidier if they want to support CCL or be prepared to fight against the powers.

“This is not the first time cake lady has been persecuted but she has returned,” Harry said. “The cakes will always return.

“By the way,” Harry added, “I would still like to hang out with you guys in a totally non plutonic way.”

Harry, with all this information, you’re welcome in our office any day, whether you wink at us and give us flowers or not. ;)

Monday - May 10

We haven't been able to find Weaselly Weasel Harry yet. He won't return phone calls and is apparently too scared to come visit and "flirt" with us, so we'll just have to continue wondering what's going on with the hidden cakes.
Again, there was an absence of a shimmering foil-wrapped dessert on the table, and instead:

CCL note

in the place of a cake stand or brownie pan, a scribbled note, which CCL wrote so fittingly on a paper plate, reading: "Cake is in the refrigerator please keep it 'out of site.'" We're guessing that someone is just sick of being tempted with CCL's pants-busting treats or they are finally trying to get rid of that ant problem.
Either way, we opened the fridge, which probably hasn't been cleaned since this place opened five years ago, and next to the prescription medicine:

Cream Cheese Pound Cake with Toffee Frosting

a double layer, 3 inch-thick-frosting covered, very cold cake. It's actually quite amusing that despite all the drama of having to hide her "famous" - we use that term loosely - desserts in cupboards and dirty refrigerators, she continues her baking. She would probably get more appreciation if she dropped her cakes off with that homeless person on the corner begging for money. At least he would appreciate the (sugar) high. CCL is one loyal lady.
Our other co-worker has attempted to ruin bikini season for us with a dessert she found online at Bakerella, which should be featured on This is Why You're Fat:

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownie

Yes, they are cookie dough balls baked in brownie batter, covered in frosting. These things were D.E.A.D.L.Y. On Bakerella, the recipe even come with a warning: "Warning: These brownies cause extreme satisfaction. May complicate weight loss." We had to eat it with a fork because when we picked it up all the butter in the ganache frosting made it slide right out of our fingers. It took about four hours to eat the hybrid dessert slow enough it wouldn't give us a stomach ache. But, we finished. And they were delicious. Now, we're fat.

-Weight-gaining worker


Friday - May 7

We walked into the lunchroom this morning surprised not to see any shiny, foil-covered treats on the table. The absence of the desserts felt like the a trophy cabinet missing its trophies. We sulked for a second and tried to stand in a spot in the empty lunchroom where the sun was shining in to boost our moods. Now that we were moved to a cubicle, without a view, and subsequently without visits from Adam, the vitamin D deficiency is breaking our cheery-selves down.
While we were staring out onto the glistening water on what is Finally a sunny day in Seattle, we spotted a secret squirrel treat. We peaked under the paper plate-covered plate to find pound cake. Pound cake? Did we miss something? There wasn't pound cake yesterday, was there?
As we were creeping on SS's after-lunch snack a coworker came in.
"The cakes are in the cabinet, ladies," he said without us even asking, or even acknowledging he was there. Apparently everyone else thinks we're fatties too because we're always looking for the desserts to take pictures of.
We looked in a couple cabinets before we found the jackpot:

Mocha Truffle Cookies

White Chocolate Pound Cake

And for all that effort and disappointment, we ate both. But we split the piece of the pound cake three ways!! So, it's ok...
They were delicious.
Weaselly Weasel Harry says he has insider information about why the desserts were in the cabinet, not on the table, but he is banned from talking to us becuase our boss thinks he flirts with us. So we'll get the info from him this weekend and tell you Monday. :)
Have a great weekend!!
-Weight-gaining worker

Thursday - May 6

Crazy Cake Lady tricked us again with desserts posing as brownies that were really dry, crumbly chocolate bars. We were really hoping there would be something good today because we all felt sick after yesterday's fiestas.
Polka-dot Cookie Bars

Because CCL failed us again, we went out for lunch, which we never do because we're poor. One man in the office asked us why we weren't running downstairs to get pizza because we're always the first ones down there. We're really the first ones down there so we can try to get a picture of Evil Pizza Man, not because we're eating the sick pizza. We didn't tell him that though.
We went and ate Pho instead.
The main secretary was gone, though, so runner-up secretary ordered the weekly Pizza.

Hawaiian Pizza

She was able to order her favorite Hawaiian pizza that way. Even though the pizza doesn't sound good, it's still refreshing to see an alternative topping. Although, one of our coworkers got really mad about the idea of fruit on pizza.
-Weight-gaining worker

Wednesday - May 5

We were hoping CCL would bring in Margaritas and burritos for Cinco De Mayo, but no; just another dry, crumbly cake. Get a new freaking cookbook, lady.
Chocolate Layer Cake with Espresso Frosting

@witt_on_twitt sent us a picture of what he says is "dangerous"

Half a doughnut

We, however, told him it was diet food. And he's going to have to do a lot better to compete with CCL's cakes. Although the doughnut looks much better than CCL's mess. ;)

We need a drink.

-Weight-gaining worker

Tuesday - May 4

Some girl brought in four cakes for her birthday, because it's that important, so we won't waste your time with the usual, Tuesday doughnuts.
Doughnuts

No one else wasted their time with the doughnuts, either. Except someone with a really big mouth who decided to nom one then put it back. Probably for a piece of this cake:

Carrot Cake
or this cake:
Tuxedo Cake

The perfectly-cut, rectangular layer cakes were about 7.8 million times better than anything CCL makes. We finally got a slice after we waited for 20 mins for everyone to leave the lunchroom so we could take a picture. The birthday girl probably just thought we were waiting for her and her friends to leave so we could eat the rest of her cakes, which is also what we did, after taking the photos. Although the best cakes were store-bought (typical) one fancy, little cake was homemade:
Happy Birthday Macadamia Nut Bunt Cake

It seems as though someone is trying to compete with CCL. And, although they went with CCL's favorite bunt cake style, they outdid her with the frosting roses and "Happy Birthday Nie" frosting sign. We don't really know if that's her real name, but that's what it looks like. I think if that was her name, though it would probably be spelled "knee." Maybe it's Nea or Hie. I don't know...
But here's another cake:

White Chocolate Raspberry Cake

Someone thinks she's special.
Either that or she's trying to make us fat. Mission successful Birthday Girl.
-Weight-gaining worker

Monday - May 3

Sorry, this is late. Yesterday we were mad at our boss, so instead of staying and putting up the blog we went to Panera Bread for lunch then went shopping. For your late-viewing pleasure; Crazy Cake Lady treats:

Pink Champagne Cake
Orange Glazed Rolls

Oh, and YUM, our fabulous Twitter friend @My_Ideal_Life sent us a pictures of brownies her coworker brought in.

Brownies
"Sooooooo delicious! I have already eaten 2 since I got here an hour ago. :-/ I'm gonna be fat. . . "
OMG we would be too. Brownies are (one of) our weaknesses. Thanks for sharing a photo so we can have cravings now ;)
-Weight-gaining worker